There’s Carly, again. You recognize her, don’t you? She’s the one who doesn’t seem to be bothered by self-doubt. If she doesn’t know how to do something, she’s not racked with indecision or anxiety. She just goes out and finds the answer – no wavering, no endless discussions, and no seemingly endless questions — she just goes for it.
Do you have a Carly in your life?
The Carlys of the world don’t seem to be made of the same stuff as the rest of us — mere mortals — at times. We may think that they have some sort of magic wand that allows them to be more decisive and more confident than the rest of us. They wave it – and boom – they are off to the races. There is just something about them … some “je ne sais quoi” quality that enables them to be more confident and more decisive. Do you know what I mean?
I don’t know about you, but for me, I can feel a bit fenced in by my own beliefs about my capabilities, at times.
How About You? Do You Feel Fenced In?
You know when we experience self-doubt it can cause us to question our actions and our choices. We don’t trust ourselves and that hurts. But even more than that, we look to others to tell us how to act and how to understand the world around us.
We, then, start to close ourselves off to opportunity and our sphere of action and control shrinks. Pretty soon, we are snuggly, all safe and sound wrapped in our warm and comfy high wire electric fence. If we get too close to the fence, we may get a nice little reminder that puts us back into our place — fast.
When our world begins to shrink our true self doesn’t like it very much. Afterall, how would you like it if you were basically put in a cage when you were meant to shine? As a result, there can be that horrible tension between how we behave in public and who we really are in private.
This conflict within us can lead to an increase in anxiety, weight-gain and loss of life satisfaction. With those down sides, how come many people still struggle with lack of self confidence?
One answer is safety. When everything in our world is known, we feel confident and secure only within the fence we built around ourselves — but we are also bored out of our minds and wanting to break-free. After all, if we are meant to fly, in the end, how can we be satisfied living in a cage?
What to do? I have a suggestion. Check out my five step process below to get your confidence back by using “the hacksaw of truth” to cut a whole in that electric fence of yours!
Freedom From Self Doubt
Five Steps to Freedom
- Believe in Your Purpose – if you are breathing, and can read and understand these words you have everything it takes to be confident in yourself. But first, you must have the faith to believe that you are meant to be uniquely you and to share your unique gifts with the world. I mean, come on, you are here aren’t you? Your family’s line didn’t die out in the plague or war or famine or any other catastrophe throughout history. Gosh darn it! You and I won the ultimate lottery and we are at the top of the food chain. You better believe we are here for a reason. The Universe, God or the higher power that you believe in put us here! I bet it wasn’t a mistake either! So trust the miracle of your birth. No higher power created you to play small.
- Courage to Try — You have to be willing to accept that you are a beginner and beginners make mistakes — that’s how they learn faster, by the way. Besides, the only direction to go is up!! Come on, if you are alive, you can handle the discomfort of becoming a beginner for a short period of time.
- Beginner’s Mind — Somehow we fool ourselves into believing that we should be “experts” at something that we’ve only spent a very short amount of time doing. How did we learn that bad habit? There is a process we have to go through to become competent at anything. In this phase, you need to manage your impatience and your mindset. It takes time to become good at something.
- Notice Incremental Improvements — You gotta recognize when you’re getting better, because that is going to give you added momentum to continue learning until you master the topic or the skill.
- Yes, it’s true — Now it is time to celebrate, because if you followed this recipe, you should be feeling more competent in whatever you wanted to be confident in. With practice comes competence, and when you feel competent, you feel confident.
So what’s Carly’s secret? How can she be confident when she doesn’t know what the heck she is doing – yet? She’s confident because she trusts in the learning process, and knows, that competence is just around the corner.
So try it for yourself and see! Let me know how it goes.
Leave a comment. Ask a question. I am here to help!
Thanks for reading and until next time,
You are so much more than who you believe yourself to be!