Have you ever wondered how a conversation spins out of control? You and I start with the best of intentions, but as the conversation continues, something goes wrong and our thoughts slowly change from hope and positivity to No, no, no! What’s going on? Wait, that’s not what I’m saying? Why are you saying that? That’s not true? What the bleep!
What happened? How did we end up in the dark, side alley with no exit? Our intentions were good yet the conversation ended in disaster.
Has this happened to you before? I know it has happened to me.
So I went on a truth hunt to find the best resource that would help me keep my conversations on track.
Crucial Conversations helps you and I navigate the tricky situations that can arise when our interests conflict. It teaches us how to identify the points, at which, communication breaks down, and then, recommends solutions that are not only easy to implement, but also, helps us to dial down the temperature when things get too hot.
The authors, Patterson, Grenny, McMillan, and Switzler write “Most human problems lie in how people behave when others disagree with them about high stakes emotional issues.”
In their opinion, a conversation turns crucial when opinions differ, when people have strong emotions, and when the stakes are high. It’s not only in marital relations that these conditions are met. Crucial conversations can happen anywhere, so having tools to deal with them, effectively, not only helps you and me to have better results, it improves our relationships with others and our health.
The negative feelings we hold in, the emotional pain we suffer, and the constant battering we endure as we stumble our way through unhealthy conversations slowly eat away at our health.The authors
- Restore Safety – Whenever a conversation turns crucial, remember to make it safe for the other person to express their thoughts and feelings. You can’t progress if the other person doesn’t feel safe.
- Identify a Mutual Purpose – Find something to agree on and build from there.
- Respect Their Experience – Suspend the belief that you are 100% right and have the best solution. Instead, learn their point of view and why. When you understand where they are coming from, they are more likely to be open to what you have to say.
- Focus on Outcome – When things amp up, we can get sidetracked into a game of who wins. Get into the habit of noticing when you step out of dialogue and then refocus on the outcome. When you do, you take back ownership of your physiology and blood heads back to your brain.
Be brave and speak your mindA challenger said this
Having a good framework in our communication tool kit like the one outlined in Crucial Conversations helps us to not only become more effective in our communications, have better relationships, and trust ourselves more, we also feel more confident and have more courage to take more risks in creating a business and a life that we love. This kind of skill is worth the effort to take the time to learn and to implement.
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Thank you so much for reading and until next time, make the most of the time you have!
With love and respect