I was so frustrated! It felt like I was hitting my head on a brick wall. I looked everywhere for my wedding rings. I retraced my steps, I asked for assistance in the search, I meditated, prayed, and searched some more. I still couldn’t find them.
It wasn’t just the loss of the dollar value of my rings that got to me, it was what they represented: Priceless memories of moments that were captured in every facet of those diamond rings. They were symbols of our successes and our struggles, of our happiest memories, and of our darkest days.
Who knew that a little bit of metal and stone could hold snapshots of when my husband proposed, when we picked out our wedding bands, when I got so mad, I threw them at him, when he took my breath away on Valentine’s Day… it was like every facet held whispered dreams and promises yet to be fulfilled and more memories of a life intertwined by the words, “I do.”
Plots and Machiaviallian schemes came to mind as to who would have motive to steal my most precious possessions. I kept trying to find a culprit, but to no avail. Motive, faulty memories, and the fact that they were gone caused me to become very angry and very scared. Angry that someone would trespass on something so sacred and scared that a dark cloud would descend on our family, as if, lost rings were just the tip of the troubles to come. How could two little rings, in their absence, hold so much power?
Each day I would wake and tell myself that this was the day I would find them and each night I would go to bed and wonder where hadn’t I looked, who hadn’t I asked, how many more times would I need to retrace my steps? I began to wake up agitated and go to sleep the same way. The Case of The Lost Rings had stolen my joy faster than I could say “reframe!” 🙂 As I focused more and more on loss, on uncertainty, on potential theft and fear of impending doom, my patience decreased, my irritability increased, my frame of reference narrowed and my beautiful days dimmed due to the incessant, humming narrative going on in my head.
You get what you focus on – Christine Jeffrey
When I would be asked about the “Case of the Lost Rings,” I would likely bite the person’s head off and list everything I had tried: retracing my steps, taking the rooms apart and putting them back together, checking pockets and drawers and still coming up short. I was so busy on loss and lack, that I forgot what kind of energy I was bringing to a conversation. Has that every happened to you? Something significant happened and you become completely unaware of how you’re treating other people?
Once I took a step back and started to think from a broader perspective, I needed to own the fact that I was not showing up as my best self. The truth was that I wasn’t bringing the light or treating others with the care and kindness that was and is my hallmark. Suddenly, I was too busy to chat and too wrapped up to lend a helping hand when needed.
Regardless of whether I would find my rings, I needed a better plan to handle this experience. I had been familiar with Byron Katie’s The Work for years, but never thought to apply it to a situation like this. However, I needed a new way of processing this kind of loss so I could be “me” again.
This focus on loss and lack isn’t solely the purview of lost things, it can apply to any circumstance, in which, loss and lack are present. I found that any obstacle to the whole truth, whether it’s in relationships, at work, or even in a manufacturing process, can impede progress, cause disruption and be the source of a plethora of misunderstandings.
Below is what I used and what worked for me to get to the truth, fast, and my hope is that it will help you, too.
The Truth Application Protocol
This process helps you to identify whether it’s your perception or other factors that prevent you from achieving success. The faster you identify yourself as the obstacle or remove yourself from the equation, the faster you can get to the truth and come up with a solution.
- Answer the four questions below from “The Work”, by Byron Katie. You can find more about her and her work here.
- Is it true?
- Can you absolutely know that it is true?
- What happens when you believe that thought?
- Who would you be without that thought
- What did you discover during this process? What are you going to do about what you’ve discovered?
- Access your courage and face the truth by knowing that you’re so much more than your current circumstances and by knowing why the truth matters to you
- Decide what you want to do with the truth
When you know the whole truth, you feel lighter, you have a better understanding of present circumstances and you can generate better solutions. For me, I decided to buy a fake bridal set, so I could put the loss out of my mind. Once the loss was taken care of, I realized that I couldn’t be absolutely sure that Machiavelli stole my rings (He has been dead for centuries, you know…) so I needed to let that fear go. Finally, I love my family, my friends and my life so much that I wanted to be a person who lives in light and love, even when, loss enters the picture. I can experience loss and lack, but I don’t need to live there!
And who knows, maybe my rings will appear, when it is time. 🙂
So the next time you’re bogged down with a problem, try this process, and see if it helps you get to the heart of the matter. I want you back in momentum and into abundance, faster.
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You got this. Leave a comment, ask a question, I’m here to help.
Thank you so much for reading and until next time,
Make the most of the time you have!
Coach “You get what you focus on”