Do you know that song, “King of Anything” by Sarah Bareilles?
Keep drinking coffee, stare me down across the table
While I look outside.
So many things I’d say if only I were able,
But I just keep quiet and count the cars as they pass by …
How many of us keep quiet, because we believe we aren’t able? and how many of us don’t speak up, because we believe that the other party isn’t willing to listen to what we have to say?
If you answered, “A lot,” you’re right. Who hasn’t had that experience?
So the question that comes to mind isn’t how come this happens so frequently? The question is:
What has to happen for you and I to stop “counting cars” and speak up and have someone really listen?
Some of us answer that question by creating a combative situation, in which, one party is right and the other party is wrong. Instead, what if we could create a situation, in which, we are more likely to come up with a solution that works for us both? Would that be a valuable skill to have?
You can have everything in life you want if you will just help other people get what they want-Zig Ziglar
“How do you help the other guy to get what he wants when you don’t agree?” What do you typically do? Do you keep quiet and count cars? Do you stare the other person down? Do you take a big gulp and give in? Do you insist on your way?
Well, if your “GO TO” is a “NO GO,” or “I CAN’T” or “I DON’T KNOW HOW,” then check out the list below. When we both win, we tend to be more satisfied, feel better connected and can be more happier.
Creating A Win/Win
- Make the right impression – Be clear about what you want them to experience when interacting with you.
- Keep them engaged – What words resonate the most with them? Match their mental processing speed with your pace of speech.
- Remember what is most important to you – Why is it important? Keep that reason top of mind. Can you be flexible? Is there another way to acheive it? After all, you and I are going after the feeling we get from it, not the “thing” in and of itself.
- Honor what is important to them– Do you understand and respect their reasons? When you honor them, they feel valued and heard; which can cause them to be more willing to work for a solution that is mutually satisfying.
- Use your physiology to your advantage – Have you heard that phrase, “The highest energy in the room wins?” When your energy is high, you are more creative, you are more persistent and when you use both, you can generate better solutions.
- Lead with your heart- What is the greatest good for all involved? Empathy, compassion, and understanding are the emotions and the frames of reference that can lead to a win/win. So check in with yourself here to make sure you are coming from a good place.
When you keep these points in mind, you will find common ground that can lead to a win/win scenario faster and easier.
Remember, you and I are always after the emotional experience of the result and NOT the result in and of itself.
If you think you need a little more information and practice on the art of standing up for who you are and what you believe in, I have a free training on courage that will help you. You’ll get a video, quote cards and a step by step worksheet to help you activate your courage. Go here to learn more! https://mailchi.mp/065e5e8d1899/courage-construction-invitation
Thanks for reading and until next time, be brave, be you!
With love and respect,