Do you know that song, “King of Anything” by Sarah Bareilles?
“Keep drinking coffee, stare me down across the table
While I look outside
So many things I’d say if only I were able
But I just keep quiet and count the cars that pass by …”
How many of us keep quiet, because we believe we aren’t able? It isn’t just about the skill of communication, it is also the belief that the other party is willing to listen to what we have to say.
What has to happen for you and I to stop “counting cars” and speak up for what we want whether it is at work or at home? How do you ask?
What some of us do is create a combative situation, in which, one party is right and one party is wrong. What if you and I could create a situation, in which, we are more likely to work, side by side, to come up with a solution that works for us both? What would happen then?
I love this quote from Zig Ziglar, because it nails what is necessary for us to have many wins in our lives:
You can have everything in life you want if you will just help other people get what they want-Zig Ziglar
So the key question is, “How do you help the other guy get what he wants when you don’t agree?” Do you keep quiet and count cars? Do you stare the other person down? Do you take a big gulp and give in? Do you insist on your way or else? What is your go to habit in this area?
Well, if your “Go To” is a “NO GO” then look at the list below to see if you can improve your win/win ratio! Because when we both win, we are satisfied, and when we are satisfied, we are happier!
Creating A Win/Win
- Make the right impression – Be clear about what you want the other party to experience when interacting with you.
- Keep them engaged – What words resonate the most with them? Match their mental processing speed with your pace of speech. How best will you reach them?
- Remember what is most important to you – Why is it important? Keep that reason top of mind.
- Honor what is important to them– Do you understand and respect their reasons as to why it’s important to them? Find the flexibility point in both of your positions. From there, you can construct a solution together. When you understand and respect their reasoning, you, then, have the ability to be creative with solutions that will give both parties a win.
- Use your physiology to your advantage – Have you heard that phrase, “The highest energy in the room wins?” When your energy is high, you are more creative, you are more persistent and when you use both, you can generate better solutions.
- Lead with your heart- What is the greatest good for all involved? Empathy, compassion, and understanding are the emotions and the frames of reference that can lead us to a win/win. So check in with yourself here to make sure you are coming from a good place.
When you keep these points in mind, you will find common ground that can lead to a win/win scenario for all involved. Persistence and creativity will win the day more often than not.
Remember, you and I are always after the emotional experience of the result and NOT the result in and of itself.
If you think you need a little more information and practice on the art of standing up for who you are and what you believe in, I have a free training on courage that will help you. You’ll get a video, quote cards and a step by step worksheet to help you activate your courage. Go here to learn more! https://mailchi.mp/065e5e8d1899/courage-construction-invitation
With that, thanks for reading and until next time,
Be brave, be you
Coach “Win Win“