Sigh. Another deep breath, and then, another sigh. The tension I feel is not unlike being caught in a bear hug from an obese relative! It’s uncomfortable and I can’t stop thinking about how to break free. Does this sound familiar? I just can’t believe I am in this position … What can I do? … What’s going on? … What’s the point?
I continue to think to myself that this will never end and that it is not my fault, you know? But these thoughts never just stay there, do they? They want to build and multiply like a virus. If I don’t step in and stop this kind of narrative, the words in my brain will take on a life of their own.
What happens when you and I have self-defeating and dis-empowering thoughts after a disappointment or a defeat is not unlike hearing Coltrane’s “Blue Train.” It’s soft and seductive with punches of intensity and cleverness.
You know these thoughts don’t serve you, but boy, do they know all the right notes to play and all the right buttons to push.
Did I forget to mention about the whys and the hows? The whys want in on this jam, too, so they start with a low beat of, “Why does this always happen to me?” Followed closely by a 4/4 time of “Why couldn’t she do the right thing” and “Why didn’t they listen?” But the jam isn’t over yet, because the hows didn’t get a chance to shine, so they start in with “How could they?” and “How could this happen? …“
Are you familiar the What, Why, How Trio? These trio of tempters can reassure us that it is not our fault and that we are the victims of these results. The names and places may change, but the back-beat is always the same: something was done to me that I don’t like.
These trio of tempters can reassure us that it is not our fault and that we are the victims of these results.
Now don’t get me wrong, maybe you were an innocent victim, but a lot of the time, how we explain the event to ourselves can be less than helpful and that is what I am focusing on here.
What can you and I do to move forward after the disappointment or defeat happened? That is the real question isn’t it?
So the next time you need to bounce back from a disappointment, try these tips backed by scientific research that will help you become more resilient when faced with adversity.
This infographic highlights the mindset, strategies and tactics you need to NOT be seduced by the What, Why, How Trio!
But more importantly, if you make having a positive outlook, having a specific goal, being stubborn in the right way, controlling yourself and commitment a habit, your results can explode and you can experience a quality lifestyle faster than you ever thought possible.
Don’t let the Who, What, Why, Trio seduce you into submission. Instead, take back control of yourself and your life.
If you feel that you may need help with developing a better mindset and/or developing better habits, please click here to Learn more about High Performance Coaching. The next round of coaching is open.
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Thank you so much for reading and until next time,
Make the most out of the time you have!
Coach “You’re Bouncing Back”