Am I hyperventilating? The tension I feel is not unlike being caught in a bear hug from an obese relative! It’s uncomfortable and I can’t stop thinking, What’s going on? What are they doing? I just can’t believe I am in this position! It’s not my fault!

When you and I have self-defeating thoughts, it is not unlike hearing Coltrane’s Blue Train. The words we use are soft and seductive with punches of intensity and cleverness. The why’s start with a low beat of, “Why does this always happen to me?” Followed closely by a 4/4 time of “Why couldn’t she do the right thing” and “Why didn’t they listen?” But the jam isn’t over yet, because the how’s didn’t get a chance to shine, so they start in with “How could they?” and “How could this happen?

As you and I continue to think along these lines, we can convince ourselves that everyone else and everything else is the problem.

If we don’t step in and stop that type of thinking, right now, we will be challenged to take positive action.

These thoughts don’t serve us, but boy, do they know all the right notes to play and all the right buttons to push.

Are you familiar the What, Why, How Trio? These trio of tempters can reassure us that we are the victims of circumstances beyond our control. The names and places may change, but the back-beat is always the same: something was done to me that I don’t like.

Now don’t get me wrong, maybe you were an innocent victim, but a lot of the time, we are complicit in our own outcomes and that is what I am focusing on here.

The Big Idea

How can you and I move forward after disappointment or defeat?

Take a look at the infographic below.

Use This!

The next time you need to bounce back, try these tips backed by scientific research that will help you become more resilient when faced with adversity.

This infographic highlights the mindset, strategies and tactics you need to NOT be seduced by the What, Why, How Trio! But more importantly, if you make these five tips habits–

  • Having a positive outlook
  • Having a specific goal
  • Being stubborn in the right way
  • Controlling yourself
  • Commitment

you can experience a jump in the quality of your life faster than you ever thought possible.

Don’t let the What, Why, How Trio seduce you into submission. Instead, take back control of yourself and your life.


If you feel that you may need help with developing a better mindset and/or developing better habits, please click here to Learn more about High Performance Coaching. The next round of coaching is open. Taking your life to the next level of fulfillment and satisfaction not only leads you to higher performance, it helps you to create an extraordinary life of meaning and contribution.

There is no obligation for you to apply, and if you are accepted, you will get a free, no obligation strategy session with me. So what do you have to lose?

Thank you so much for reading and until next time, make the most out of the time you have!

With love and respect,