My friend and fellow High Performance Coach, Kai Alday, has written an article on success and gives you free access to a tool that will help you get more success in your life. I am grateful to her for sharing her expertise and insight with all of you.
The Secret of Success –
By Kai Alday
I had always said I’d never be like my mom; I would never put my job before my children. And then one day, I was on my lunch break watching a video of my second daughter taking her first step. I was crushed. This was the second kid whose first crawl, first steps and first words I had to watch through a video the babysitter had taken. The first time it happened was a couple years earlier and when I got that video I sat and cried as I watched my first daughter take her first step and I, her own mother, wasn’t there to watch it happen.
When I first experienced it something in me stirred, but I silenced it with the notion that I was doing this for my kids. I was working from sunrise till after sunset for my girls. I was putting in the long hours and missing them grow up so I could provide them with the life I thought was best for them. I compromised my values for the promise of a promotion. And why did I do all of this in spite of how unhappy it made me? Because I didn’t see another way out. I thought this was my golden ticket. If I could just work hard enough, if I could just be more committed, if I could just master the art of butt kissing and not speak up for myself or my team, I’d finally get the success I was running after. But sometimes you can’t mute who you are and let’s be honest, you should never have to.
By my 3rd year in corporate I began brainstorming business ideas. I had also ventured into some MLMs with the hope that this would be my way out of corporate. You see, I’m not one of those adventurous people who just up and quit their jobs and figure it out as they go. Nope, it’s not in my DNA. My DNA is filled with chromosomes like duty, loyalty, honor thy family, do what your told, never grumble, responsibility and so on. Great qualities and also crippling. If my mom hadn’t have gotten sick and needed help with the family business I would probably still be in that job daydreaming of a jailbreak.
Instead, 2 weeks after leaving my corporate job I began actively running my own business alongside of helping with the family business. One day I was sitting in my car, now working 2 jobs, in debt, still tired, but I was actually happy. I wondered how I could possibly be happy while the facts seemed pretty bleak and it hit me like a rock to the face – I had been chasing someone else’s ideas of success. I was chasing success for my ego instead of my soul. I was chasing the success I felt obligated to chase. I was trying to be the dutiful wife, mother and daughter and never stopped to ask who I wanted to show up as. I was filling a role rather than creating the me I wanted to be. This was the moment when I realized what success actually was. It was living life on my own terms. It wasn’t a corner office, a job title, a certain amount of money in the bank, 2.5 kids or a fancy house on a hilltop – success is whatever I decided it was. And for me it was being a present and available mom. I was finally attending school events, getting my girls ready for school, picking them up and dropping them off and 2 times a week I got to tuck them in, read bedtime stories and kiss their heads goodnight. That’s all it took to put a smile on my face.
We’ve been led to believe that success is a destination somewhere over the rainbow near a pot of gold. It’s in the distance, but in reality it’s right in front of you. It’s about creating the life you want right now not one day off in the future.
Have you ever stopped to think about what you want? I mean what you really want. What would life look like if you could wave a magic wand and wish it into existence? What kind of job would you have, how many kids would you have or would you even have any, what hobbies would you start or trips would you take? At first glance this seems so simple, but simple isn’t easy. It’s the execution of making it happen that trips people up. That dream life, a successful life, seems just too big and impossible. But there’s a secret about success that no one really talks about and it’s this. Success isn’t about making that whole dream life happen right this second. Success isn’t even about whether or not you get all the things on your checklist. Success isn’t an all or nothing kind of thing; it’s having what matters most right now and making time for it.
What does that mean? Well, is there something you love to do that you’ve neglected like writing or dancing? Start doing it. Do you wish you could be a better mom or wife? What would that look like and start implementing a couple of those ideas today. Do you wish you had a job you loved? Start exploring what that is and take those classes, meet people in that arena and start making steps towards that job. You’ll find that the pursuit of these things will make you just as happy if not happier than having the thing itself. That’s the secret. Success isn’t about all the shiny objects, it’s about the significant ones. Once we start to align our head with our heart and take action, that’s when you’ll notice it. You know that feeling of contentment? When everything feels right in the world? That’s what success feels like. It’s like your breathing clean air for the first time. As soon as you take that breath hope fills your lungs and clarity fills your eyes.
If you’re ready to do a deep dive of what success looks like for you I created a life map that walks you step-by-step through the process. You can download it for free right here at https://www.successalday.com/lifemap-challengeyourvision.